Blog Post: It's Time to Give UP!

To succeed in life and in business you need to give up thinking in terms of what you don’t like about yourself. Give up unhealthy relationships. Give complaining about your life situation. Give up feeling sorry for yourself or for others you know. Give up talking about all your problems. Give up listening to other people complaining about their problems. Give up thinking things will never get better. Give up thinking other people, including the experts, know more than you about what’s right for you.

There is zero benefit to whining, complaining and lamenting.

It’s certainly fair to say you need to recognize how you feel. Be aware of the words you’re using to describe yourself or others. State them out loud if need be, but under no circumstances make them the focus of your attention. Name what you’re thinking, feeling and currently believe. Name it so you can change it! Being aware is the first step to success.

When Susan walked into my office, the first thing out of her mouth was, “I’m sick and tired of putting up with all the garbage in my life (I cleaned up what she really called it for the sake of this posting). My first questions was, “How have you been feeling lately?”  “What do you mean,” Susan asked.  I responded with, “Well, are you full of energy, health is good, sleeping well and thinking clearly? Does your body feel strong and healthy?”  

“Are you kidding me? I ache all over, haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks and I drag throughout the day.”

“So what you’re telling me is you feel sick and tired!”  The lights went on. Susan’s eyes opened wide, she sat back in her chair and said, “Oh my God! That’s it isn’t it?”

Susan was right. Just like a computer, garbage in ~ garbage out. It all adds up. When we use negative, self-loathing and unhealthy words to describe our self or hear these words in our conversations or coming from people we hang out with … why are we surprised when our life keeps repeating the same old matching patterns?

The good news ~ and there is good news.  This works in the opposite direction as well.

What many people miss and therefore do not succeed, is when we give up something we need to replace it with something else. They think that by stopping the self-sabotaging words and conversations all is better. Wrong. Anytime we give up something it creates a void that needs to be filled

Let’s say you give up smoking and don’t fill in the void. Soon you’ll take up another negative habit. Or you give up thinking, “I’m not worthy” and the next thing you know your thinking “I don’t deserve this.”  It’s an important reason why people fail when trying to stop old habits.

So as you’re giving up, make a conscious choice to fill the void! Choose what you really want to think and feel. If you’re afraid, choose courage and trust. When you catch your words of, “I can’t do this,” make a new choice! State out loud and with conviction, “I can do this, I will, I am taking action to move forward right here and right now.”  When you realize you feel sad, shift to happy.

And, here’s one more tool for your tool box. MOVE. Do anything except stay in the same position you’re in. Give your body a different message, both in words and in movement. Take some action. Say you feel afraid and you make a choice to be courageous and trust. Ask yourself, “What would I be doing if I had courage? What would I tell myself if I trusted? How would I stand or walk into a room or an interview? Where would I go? What would I do different than I’m doing right now?”  Then, go do it!

It’s all about shifting your focus. Your mind will easily default to chatter. And often the chatter is about what you don’t like or want. You need to strengthen this new muscle. Learn to stay awake and aware of your thoughts and your words. The minute you catch yourself stating or doing something negative … change it. Don’t chastise yourself for thinking or speaking negative thoughts. The first step is to become aware of them. Be grateful you caught them and have the power to change. You’re in control. You are the boss of you!

It’s a process. Start now, today and build your new muscle. Ask your friends and family members to help keep you in check and do the same for them. Make it a game. Your new game to a more success filled life.  Be tenacious and have fun with it! You’ll enjoy the results.

Posted by: Deborah M. Dubree    Coach - Speaker - Author  

Member of International Coach Federation